Shopping and Stuff August 20, 2008

Whew, so three posts in one day, can you tell I’m on vacation?

So shopping on Monday was fabulous.  Mom and I went to the Salvation Army, used book store, the teacher store (my mom is a special ed teacher and I should be teaching as she points out all the time), Shopko, WalMart, Klein’s (the craft store) and Menard’s (home improvement).  Whew, long day, and we didn’t even hit the mall, but I didn’t care I was so tired. 

The Salvation Army easily had the best find.  I got a whole box of dishes for eight dollars.  Ok, so I have the ugliest dishes on the face of the planet, they are this yellow and brown stripey thing design from the sixties.  They were my Gramma C’s and I love them.  She also had green dishes that kind match.  Same shape dishes and cups, just different design.  Well I didn’t have any of the green dishes, now I have a box of them.

Klein’s, all I can say is SCORE!  I got this beautiful Teresa Wentlzer Christmas sampler kit for nine dollars.  If I had to buy the stuff for it separately it would have cost me about fifty to seventy dollars.  Man I love sales.  I got some stuff for dad’s birthday present too.  It is going to be a Civil War Era Union flag.  So I had to have a piece of linen.  Of course I got some tatting stuff too, can’t leave a store without that.

Shopko was a bust.  I wanted a hoodie, but dan those things were both ugly and expensive.

Target was a bust too.  I wanted a printer but they were out and they didn’t come with the USB cable, that would have cost almost as much as the printer.

The used book store, I got three Dean Koontz novels in hardback for six bucks, yep six bucks for three hardback books.  I also picked up a Tami Hoag novel.

WalMart, well that was the usual extravaganza of groceries and beauty supplies and cat stuff…So much fun one can hardly stand it.

Tuesday, my fantastical eye doctor worked me in.  I didn’t have an appointment but they stayed late on lunch.  I’m back in contacts and I feel super!  I ordered new glasses today too.  They are just adorable and look great on my face.  Now J can’t figure out what is going to be different on Friday and he wants hints.  I won’t give them to him!  HA!  Mom helped pick out my glasses.  She’s pretty good at that too!

Then I went to get my teeth cleaned.  No big deal right?  I’m thirty and don’t have anything in my mouth, dental wise, and really nothing right now either.  Oh wait, I have a filling now.  Yep a filling.  When I got popped in the mouth last month I bit down and cracked a tooth, now I have a filling…. grrrrrrrr.

Then in the evening we went to the vet.  Liz got her first distemper shot, wormed and ear mites medicated.  This was the first time we went to that vet and he was pretty good.  It was less than forty dollars for all that.  He even let me see the ear mite in the microscope (they are gross.)

Tonight it is a visit with an old friend, my high school English teacher.  She taught me everything I know about writing.  Then who knows? 

I don’t think anymore posts are forthcoming though.  Maybe tomorrow.

Co Parenting August 20, 2008

So I’m standing my parents’ kitchen licking the beaters from the dessert I just made, this strawberry, cream cheese, and pretzel thing, anyway, I’m thinking about parenting.  Yeah I think about parenting, even though I’ll never be one, I still think about it.  Then my thoughts drift to co parenting and all of the majillions of misconceptions around that and how much people who aren’t involved in open adoptions have the worst of them and seem to be the viruses that spread that misconception around. 

I fail to see how me seeing Kiddo at the most FOUR, yes FOUR, times a year is coparenting.  Good Lord, that is MAYBE at the most twenty hours a year.  I don’t make a SINGLE parenting decision in that time frame.  How could I?  I’m so busy marvelling at this little person that looks like me and acts a little like me that I wouldn’t have time to even if I wanted to do that.

So there you go, key word, first parents (this seems to be a running theme today) WANT to co parent.  I don’t want to co parent.  I don’t want to confuse my kid and damage him.  Yeah I think it would be confusing for him to think I was his parent too, why would I want that for him.  I truly only want what is best for him, and me attempting to co parent him, wouldn’t be it.

So think about it…. how much parenting can any one person do in twenty hours?  There you go…. doesn’t happen right?

Want? August 20, 2008

So there is a discussion on a forum right now about open adoption being misrepresented.  Open adoption is misrepresented alot, to every member of the triad.  It isn’t an easy thing, it is hard work for everyone if it is done right. 

For adoptive parents, I’m sure it is harder than hard to have to “share” your child.  I know in a perfect world only people that were ready to have babies and wanted with all their hearts to be parents would be able to get pregnant.  I know in a perfect world, infertility would not exist.  In a perfect world, birth control would be available and always work. In a perfect world, adoption wouldn’t need to exist, but it does, and I’m sure it is harder than hell to realize that your child isn’t “all yours”.  I know children aren’t meant to be possessions, but I can see where it would be hard to realize that you can’t have children and want them more than anything and then when the one means to have a child was presented to you and then you had to "share".  Hey, I’m not entirely sure I would be ok with that.

I know the big bonuses that are held out to adoptive parents are that they will always have current medical histories and social histories.  Well, Kiddo’s parents really got the shaft on that one.  They have half a medical history, and what I will tell them of mine.  I don’t know much, being an adopted adult from the closed era and having a firstmom that won’t acknowledge me, and I don’t share with them anymore because of how they have chosen to treat my medical information.

For firstparents, we get this fairy tale that we get to watch our kids grow up and be involved in their lives.  No one mentions that it hurts alot ot watch someone else get called mom, that your heart breaks when you leave a visit and that you will have sleepless nights wondering what you did to make your child’s adoptive parents mad so they aren’t replying to your emails or answering their phone.

Adopted kids, well we all hear how they will be confused.  Guess what?  Kids are only as confused as the adults around them.  In my case, I’m not confused.  I am not my son’s mom.  I am his firstmom. I don’t make decisions, I gave up that right.

Ok, but I digress, this is about want right?  So in this conversation, of course it turns into a debate about contact, courtesy of a few adoptive parents who appear to think that firstparents are scum of the earth.  (A whole different topic, but how can they think that when we are the ones that MADE them parents?)  So according to an adoptive mother, also an adopted adult, women who place their children don’t WANT to be parents, especially if we were older when we placed our children. 

So how much crap is that?  Because I was 26 when Kiddo was born, apparently I didn’t WANT to be his mom?  Ok, there are alot of things I want to say about that and to that woman, but most of them aren’t repeatable in polite company.  I WANTED with every last inch of being to be his mom.  I would have been in a terrible place to parent him though.  I, personally, think that most older women have a better understanding of what it is to be a parent.  Teenagers think that babies are dolls alot of times and are just excited about buying clothes and shoes.   They miss the big picture, so they end up parenting.  Women my age usually have plenty of friends that are moms, might have some nieces or nephews, or work in a child related field.  We have a clue of the amount of effort, time and money that goes into parenting.  We know how hard it is to make ends meet for ourselves, let alone ourselves and a child or two.  We watch our friends who don’t have support struggle and barely make it. We just know.

Apparently though, I didn’t WANT to be a mom, so I’m crap.  Well, whatever, people can go ahead and think that if they want.  Someday, those people that think that will have something happen to them, have to make a hard choice….. no wait, those people will never have empathy, because they are lacking in a soul.