Ok, so nothing is really wrong with me. But it sure feels like it lately at least in the context of my adoption life. I haven’t received pictures of my son all year long, except at my one visit. In our contact agreement it states that I am to receive pictures in the mail four times a year. FOUR TIMES. Wow, not the same as zero right? Kiddo turned four at the end of May. I haven’t seen a single picture from his birthday.
My other what is wrong with me adoption thing: My first brother Ben said that he would call me when we talked about two months ago. Well here we are nearly two months later and nothing. What the hell? I know, he is a man, men are bad a communication, blah blah. Enough already, I am a human being and people should follow through on their word when they give it. I’m sick of people not doing what they say they will.
I realize that is part of the human condition, but come on folks. I know my self esteem shouldn’t rely on other people, but this involves FAMILY. Granted, not my immediate nuclear family, but family none the less. I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m sick of making efforts for people who don’t seem to feel the need to make efforts to reciprocate my efforts. When do you stop caring and stop puting yourself through the agony of wondering what is wrong with them and with yourself?
I wish there were easy answers to this. I can tell you though that this reinforces my commitment to stay in touch with my son. I won’t having feeling like there is something wrong with him because I act like a flake.
