Talon December 18, 2008

It isn’t very often that I comment on things in the news.  Alot of times stuff gets my blood pressure up and what is the point.  This time I feel compelled.

I’m sure that many of you that follow adoption related issues have heard about the little guy from UT who had to be returned to Minnesota this week in a disrupted placement. 

Of course this is being bandied about as a completed adoption that has been overturned.  It is nothing of the sort.  The mother revoked her termination of parental rights immediately after leaving the hospital and the tribe got involved several days later.  The family knew what was coming.  They had NO legal grounds to keep this child.  They didn’t follow the ICWA, or the agency didn’t, whichever, it wasn’t followed.  I don’t care if you agree with a law or not, even if you don’t agree, it doesn’t mean you get to break it.

Now of course women that place their children are being maligned as selfish, whoring, drug addicts who don’t care about their kids at all.  I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, I don’t need to sell myself nor do I use drugs, funny how I like having a legitimate job. 

The family should have turned him over immediately when they knew she was going to revoke.  Would it have been hard?  Yes, my heart does hurt to them, I know what it is like to lose a child.  Sometimes though, grace goes a much further way than righteous indignation.

Stalking? Get a Brain! August 25, 2008

So on my favourite forums there is a post from someone I’m not fond of, have never been of, will never be fond of…. Ok, I don’t like the guy, I think he is an arrogant jerk who thinks he runs the world.  Ok, that said, there is this post about their child’s firstmom showing up at a church that they both attended before the adoption on the day their child was dedicated.  They bolted from the church service early and didn’t even talk to her.  This guy wants to know if she was rude…. WHAT THE HELL?  HER?  What about you buddy?  Holy cow, I couldn’t even believe that question.

In his post he mentions that they had discussed church attendance before the adoption and offered to go to a different church.  The then expectant mother declined and said she wouldn’t attend church anymore.  Fast forward three months and she is in “their” church.  Ok, should she have showed up like that?  Probably not, I probably would have been a bit freaked out as an adoptive parent too.  But Lord above, the woman didn’t run up to them and start screaming about being the mother’s child, she didn’t snatch the kid away, she didn’t even talk to them.  She attended a church service.  So, there are people saying, she said she wouldn’t go to that church, she shouldn’t be there.  I made the mistake of pointing out that people have secound thoughs and their minds may change.  Holy man, if I sought solace in church and I realized another church wasn’t going to do it for me, I would go back to the other church, even if it meant putting my child’s adoptive parents at risk.  Know why?  Things change…

So what really grinds my gears about this (Thanks Peter Griffin) is that if it would have been something the adoptive parents did we’d be hearing, well it was in the best interest of the child to be attending that church, the firstmom’s feelings aren’t so important as the child’s.  BULL SHIT!  I’ve said once, I’ll said it again and again, best interest of the child or family equals best interest of adoptive parents in adoption situations where the first parents aren’t addicts or criminals. 

THEN this poor woman was called a stalker.  Yeah, because she was lurking in their bushes, sitting in front of their places of work, hanging around the frozen foods in their favourite grocery store just waiting for them to show up.  IT WAS A CHURCH… a public place, somewhere that EVERYONE is supposed to be welcomed…. I can’t imagine finding a new church after placing a child though.  Sometimes “Christians” are the most judgemental towards first parents.  We are sluts after all that got ourselves pregnant by who knows who, God will judge us. 

So can ya tell I’m a little pissed?  I just can’t believe people, the adoption is finalized.  They didn’t need to have a big conversation with her there, just a could we talk on the phone sometime about this would have been good wouldn’t have it?  Then they could have had a discussion about possibly opening the adoption.

All of these adults are in the wrong. 

Oh, just one last thought, a match with contact is not an open adoption.  I think that an open adoption happens ONLY after the adoption takes place, call me crazy, but doesn’t there need to be an adoption for it to be open?